I almost have no words…I worked 40 years as a Clinical Social Worker, and my area of expertise was trauma resolution work. Reading this with your clarity of thought and analysis of current efforts by the christo and politico fascists in our country took my breath away while also solidifying what I already have suspected but not verbalized, not even to myself. I have such grief and sadness that the progress I believed we had made as a country was a lie, and these under currents have existed all along. I know that I made a difference in the lives of the women and men with whom I walked along side as they did their healing work. This will have to be enough as I find ways to continue to make a difference. My personal motto was to show up every day with honesty, authenticity and courage as I dropped my pebbles into my small pond, knowing that I was creating ripples. This too will be my grounding as I continue dropping my pebbles. Thank you for your ongoing honesty, authenticity and courage. Juyne
Thank you Elizabeth. My whole being aches about what this means for all women in the US. Somehow it has become great sport on the right to denigrate women that are victims. I believe that misogyny exists in the UK and European countries, however, it is not welcomed in the public discussion like it is here in the US. "Manly" men that beat their partners are glorified and the women vilified. I still can't get my head wrapped around that.
Thank you ECM for so boldly stating and highlighting what is so casually accepted in our culture: the dehumanizing and open abuse of marginalized groups and women. It is so ingrained in society that we don't ( mainly the patriarchy) even see it, don't call it out, don't define it as evil, even when it is happening to us. This essay clearly calls it out. Even then some people won't get it or understand how reprehensible and horrific this cycle of abuse is for so many people. And this is why people, mainly men, are so abusive to you on Twitter, because your voice calls the question. Your voice points these truths out. And we listen, and we are learning to do the same. When the power system is challenged there is always backlash. We must keep speaking our truths and challenging the status quo. Thank you for always breaking trail.
I've been so confounded and confused and in despair about the verdict. This now made it all so clear. Thank you. I will take my energy and use it to build coalitions with other marginalized folks fighting for justice.
I have to admit that I didn't pay much attention to the trial because of my health problems taking most of my focus. But reading your superb newsletter brought a scene from my life more than 30 years ago back into sharp focus. I had come home for my beloved father's funeral & met my mother at the door. I'd also, at the same time packing for the funeral, had packed what I could to leave my husband at the time. Mom met me at the door, not with tears in her eyes for all I had gone through, but with an anger that unnerved me. "So what did you do that made him hit you?" she asked. I tried to explain it wasn't the hitting; it was killing my cat; threatening my dog; the phone call from his therapist that said, "to run far & run fast & don't ever tell I told you this or I'll deny it." None of it mattered to her or maybe she didn't believe me. I thought the latter several months later when she called me to tell me "that nice young man you married showed up here & wanted to take me to your father's grave so he could pay his respects. I cooked dinner for him & we had the nicest time." I never forgot her words. And I never spoke of my abuse again to her or any of my family.
Will this ever change? I've been there. The first time I was 11. Watching tv sitting next to my best friends father. He slid his hand up my shirt. I had just started wearing a bra. I ran home & never told anyone. Walking to school on two different days men in cars pulled up & exposed themselves. Again, I ran home. At 26 husband beat the crap out of me several times. Will leave out details. I left him. Rebuilt myself & moved on. People like you Elizabeth have helped by sharing your story & knowledge. Thank you.
I have know this in my bones for many years- it used to make me sad and feel alone- now it makes me angry and I too will work for what ever progress is possible. Thank you for verbalizing our situation. Thank you for continuing to spend your energy for good!
So incredibly written, both factually and from the heart. I don't know how you manage to compartmentalize all that has happened to you, and also make it so relatable to those of us who have also dealt with misogynistic abuse even if it was not of the physical kind. Thank you for putting pen to paper and expressing all of this for all of us, Elizabeth. 💗
Bold and Superb! This should be your next book, including statements/renditions from other women, such as myself, who have been sexually harassed, abused, assaulted, exploited and raped.
I am disgusted by the white women around me who fell for the crap being fed to them, even when they themselves were in abusive relationships. I personally do not have a history with sexual violence, but as a white woman growing up in the 70’s I was and still am subjected to verbal abuse, cat calls, and grab assing. I have been told (by my late husband) I should just satisfy him since it is my job, as a wife. I am now realizing the control he tried to put on me, and the abuse by which I was told I should just let him go elsewhere for sex if I didn’t want sex EVERY F-ing day, exhausted or not, it was my duty. I did not comply, and I am pretty sure he DID go elsewhere, and he might have even gotten HPV which killed him, (cancer of the neck). It IS possible he carried that virus for 25 or more years, but it also makes me wonder......
Thank you, I am trying so hard to get people to LISTEN, to listen to WOMEN, and STAND BY THEM, TOGETHER.....
Magnificently written
Elizabeth,
I almost have no words…I worked 40 years as a Clinical Social Worker, and my area of expertise was trauma resolution work. Reading this with your clarity of thought and analysis of current efforts by the christo and politico fascists in our country took my breath away while also solidifying what I already have suspected but not verbalized, not even to myself. I have such grief and sadness that the progress I believed we had made as a country was a lie, and these under currents have existed all along. I know that I made a difference in the lives of the women and men with whom I walked along side as they did their healing work. This will have to be enough as I find ways to continue to make a difference. My personal motto was to show up every day with honesty, authenticity and courage as I dropped my pebbles into my small pond, knowing that I was creating ripples. This too will be my grounding as I continue dropping my pebbles. Thank you for your ongoing honesty, authenticity and courage. Juyne
Thank you Elizabeth. My whole being aches about what this means for all women in the US. Somehow it has become great sport on the right to denigrate women that are victims. I believe that misogyny exists in the UK and European countries, however, it is not welcomed in the public discussion like it is here in the US. "Manly" men that beat their partners are glorified and the women vilified. I still can't get my head wrapped around that.
Thank you ECM for so boldly stating and highlighting what is so casually accepted in our culture: the dehumanizing and open abuse of marginalized groups and women. It is so ingrained in society that we don't ( mainly the patriarchy) even see it, don't call it out, don't define it as evil, even when it is happening to us. This essay clearly calls it out. Even then some people won't get it or understand how reprehensible and horrific this cycle of abuse is for so many people. And this is why people, mainly men, are so abusive to you on Twitter, because your voice calls the question. Your voice points these truths out. And we listen, and we are learning to do the same. When the power system is challenged there is always backlash. We must keep speaking our truths and challenging the status quo. Thank you for always breaking trail.
I've been so confounded and confused and in despair about the verdict. This now made it all so clear. Thank you. I will take my energy and use it to build coalitions with other marginalized folks fighting for justice.
I have to admit that I didn't pay much attention to the trial because of my health problems taking most of my focus. But reading your superb newsletter brought a scene from my life more than 30 years ago back into sharp focus. I had come home for my beloved father's funeral & met my mother at the door. I'd also, at the same time packing for the funeral, had packed what I could to leave my husband at the time. Mom met me at the door, not with tears in her eyes for all I had gone through, but with an anger that unnerved me. "So what did you do that made him hit you?" she asked. I tried to explain it wasn't the hitting; it was killing my cat; threatening my dog; the phone call from his therapist that said, "to run far & run fast & don't ever tell I told you this or I'll deny it." None of it mattered to her or maybe she didn't believe me. I thought the latter several months later when she called me to tell me "that nice young man you married showed up here & wanted to take me to your father's grave so he could pay his respects. I cooked dinner for him & we had the nicest time." I never forgot her words. And I never spoke of my abuse again to her or any of my family.
So heartbreaking and frustrating, but beautifully written. Thank you!
Will this ever change? I've been there. The first time I was 11. Watching tv sitting next to my best friends father. He slid his hand up my shirt. I had just started wearing a bra. I ran home & never told anyone. Walking to school on two different days men in cars pulled up & exposed themselves. Again, I ran home. At 26 husband beat the crap out of me several times. Will leave out details. I left him. Rebuilt myself & moved on. People like you Elizabeth have helped by sharing your story & knowledge. Thank you.
I have know this in my bones for many years- it used to make me sad and feel alone- now it makes me angry and I too will work for what ever progress is possible. Thank you for verbalizing our situation. Thank you for continuing to spend your energy for good!
So incredibly written, both factually and from the heart. I don't know how you manage to compartmentalize all that has happened to you, and also make it so relatable to those of us who have also dealt with misogynistic abuse even if it was not of the physical kind. Thank you for putting pen to paper and expressing all of this for all of us, Elizabeth. 💗
Bold and Superb! This should be your next book, including statements/renditions from other women, such as myself, who have been sexually harassed, abused, assaulted, exploited and raped.
I am disgusted by the white women around me who fell for the crap being fed to them, even when they themselves were in abusive relationships. I personally do not have a history with sexual violence, but as a white woman growing up in the 70’s I was and still am subjected to verbal abuse, cat calls, and grab assing. I have been told (by my late husband) I should just satisfy him since it is my job, as a wife. I am now realizing the control he tried to put on me, and the abuse by which I was told I should just let him go elsewhere for sex if I didn’t want sex EVERY F-ing day, exhausted or not, it was my duty. I did not comply, and I am pretty sure he DID go elsewhere, and he might have even gotten HPV which killed him, (cancer of the neck). It IS possible he carried that virus for 25 or more years, but it also makes me wonder......
Thank you, I am trying so hard to get people to LISTEN, to listen to WOMEN, and STAND BY THEM, TOGETHER.....